Anyone who has known me for any length of time can confirm: These ARE the four Basic Food Groups, at least as far as I’m concerned.

I have to rank right up there among people with the worst dietary habits in the free world. Food Pyramid? You’ve got to be kidding! If I want to see pyramids, I’ll go to Egypt.

Nope, when it comes to food, I spend as little time as possible fretting over whether it’s “good for me.” Instead, I think about whether it’s good TO me — or at least to my tastebuds.

I think I could live on cheesesteaks and chocolate. Throw in some coffee (OK, a LOT of coffee!) and a couple of packs of smokes, and I’m in Hog Heaven. But it’s Lent right now, and that means this little fried food addict has a world of options suddenly open to me: Almost every church and volunteer fire department I can think of is having FISH FRY FRIDAYS!!!

Don’t even get me started on Trans Fat. I understand some of those churches are lightening up the types and amounts of oil they’re using this Lenten season for their fish fries, and I know where they’re coming from. It’s a fabulous marketing strategy: lure in the parishoners with lighter fare, charge more money for it, and increase their overall profitability. Hey, I’m all for increasing donations to the Church’s worthy needs.

But there’s still that lingering doubt: Can you really call baked salmon and low-fat tuna salad a “Fish Fry”? Where are my pierogies and halushka? How am I supposed to feed my fat (non-Omega-3) addiction? Is the end of the world in sight?

Tomorrow is Friday, so I’m off to the fridge — I simply must make sure I have enough tartar and cocktail sauces.