I’ve decided that having multiple pelvic fractures is a royal pain in the arse.

This isn’t going to be much of a post because I’m in a LOT of pain, but I did want to tell everybody just what happened.

I was cutting a dead limb from a very large maple tree, but OSHA probably would have stroked out at my idea for “scaffolding.”

Since my extension ladder was too short to reach the limb, I parked a wooden picnic table at the base of the tree and set up the ladder on the table top.

I know what you’re thinking, and no, the ladder did NOT slip from the table — at least not until the unthinkable happened.  Read on!

The thing to keep in mind about dead tree limbs is that they’re brittle, not pliable.  So you can imagine my surprise when the doggone thing bounced — nay, sprung — back into the air a good five feet after I cut it.  It the landed on the end of the picnic table (which, by the way, was well out of the way on the initial flight down),  snapping the legs off, and sending me, ladder, chain saw, and all down and to the right.

The first ER doc called my pelvis “shattered” and sent me to a level-one trauma center for treatment.  There, I was treated to a priest who wanted to administer Last Rites.  I told him that I was a Methodist, and the thought of seeing him hover over me did nothing to decrease my anxiety.  So instead, we just prayed together.

It worked.  My “shattered” pelvis is in only two pieces, and the breaks were aligned so well that surgery wasn’t required.  What’s more, the elbow I also landed on was NOT broken, so I can kinda support my weight on a walker.  That’s why they sent me home today.

I also wanted to say thanks to all of you for your good wishes.  It really did make me feel better when I saw them.  Y’all are so sweet.

I’m getting too old for this.